I would like to report that my emotions right now are a flat line. No ups or downs. That’s not how it works. The phone rings and I flinch with anticipation that it might be the hospital saying come in. It turns out to be a solicitation and my response may not reflect my normal generous demeanor. Suzy and my children have coined the phrase when I am less patient than I should as “dad’s toxins are flaring.”
Perhaps this a grander test of faith than the impending surgery itself. Can I find the strength and faith to believe that “all will be well.” Can I take the arm of God and walk for a little ways comforted simply by the companionship. I need to ask God to help me with the simpler things. Let me be patient, let me smell the honeysuckle, and let me appreciate the love, prayers and support of friends and family.
I need to remember that if I can help those who are around me wanting to help, I am helping myself. We will begin to share a mutual faith that the more we notice and deal with the normal every day aspects of life, the more we prepare ourselves for the abnormal. There is nothing that can disturb us if we appreciate what has already be given us every day.
He may have toxins… but he’s back! It is wonderful to read how you are feeling. And messages that apply to all, not just you. It is wonderful how God’s love can connect us.
When I struggle with faith, I sometime try to borrow it from others. Even when I don’t trust that everything will work out, others believe it for me. It is tremendous that even in a time when you understandably might need to do the borrowing, you are a source of strength for others with your words. Tremendous – and not at all surprising…
Webb: Thank you for writing this blog. In your “Toxins” essay you say you wish to help those around you, wishing to help you. Your blog does this! Your family and friends will walk this walk with you, share their love and faith with your during this time, as you share your journey with us. Together, we will all grow and deepen during the wait, the surgery and recuperation. Please keep writing as we need to hear your beautiful words, albeit through cyberspace. Godspeed, my friend. Much love, Laura Claverie
Webb, you inspire me! Thank you for sharing “your gift”. I would not be the person I am today without your wisdom, guidance, and love. Terry
Cousin,
Since I was a little boy having dinner with you are Grandmother’s house, I have always loved being close to you. At that time, it was probably because you were such a BIG guy, successful athlete and most importantly took time with me. Even now, with your health issue, you have reached out to so many to share your thoughts and passion for life. I believe that God has challenged you in a way that brings even more meaning to your life and helps us experience his glory through you. Love You, Jeff.