Father if it is possible let this cup pass from me; yet not what I want but what you want. Matthew 26.39
I find great solace in knowing that Christ asks to be pardoned from the extreme punishment, pain, and ultimate death he will face. Yet, he bows to the will of God in the act of ultimate faith – “but what you want.”
As a possible recipient of a liver transplant my emotions and thoughts are bewildered and confused. I wait for a phone call with no idea when it may come. Assuming the call comes, then major surgery, long recovery, and rehabilitation will bring me to a new beginning. How will I react to the opportunity is as unknown as when the initial call will come. There is no preparation that is or seems appropriate. No last meal because you need to be a healthy as possible for the surgery. No farewell tour of friends and family because the whole goal is to be alive when it is all over. Plus you cannot be very far from the hospital when the call comes.
It is difficult to discuss because there is so much that is unknown – the timing, the outcome, the recovery, and the new beginning.
So I live with faith. Faith that the call will come; faith that surgery will be successful; faith that recovery will be rapid; and faith that the new beginning will be pleasing to God.
I am now on a journey that has already opened my eyes further. I see with a twinge of fear that calls me to rely on faith in every thought I have. I will write about my feelings and the new awareness at www.thehubbellpew.com. If you are interested.
My prayer is similar to Christ’s – let it not be what I want but what you want.