Dear Tom,
I’ve been fortunate to have and had many friends in my life like yourself. Some were gentle, some loyal to the core, and some who were just plain fun to be around. In my case many were all three. And in our search for meaning friendships are at its core, especially true friends who help you see yourself as you really are. That picture they force you to see is not necessarily the best version of yourself or one that has been photo shopped, but those true friends still love you and they keep you company because of your faults not in spite of them.
I admit having a few friends who were “rogues” for the lack of a better term. I knew they were likely to push the envelope, undependable, and at times use me as an alibi or “beard” in one of their shenanigans. Even yet, I loved them even though I knew if a hand grenade was thrown in our foxhole my rogue friend would throw me on top of it to protect himself.
Each of us are exposed to friends who are flawed, as we are flawed as well. The world as a whole is flawed, but it is in the understanding of the flawed that we develop character and empathy.
Webb,
Early on in my renewed/reconstructed spiritual life, I began thanking God for a lot of blessings I found I had taken for granted… among them teachers and friends. It didn’t take long to come to the realization that nearly all of my friends had been important teachers in one way or another. Some helped me learn in the moment through assistance, confrontation, deep sharing. In other cases, the learning was after-the-fact when I took the time to process the relationship or an incident. Many lessons came from friends to whom I had attached judgments and had largely misunderstood. I think now I was seeing my own imperfections in them and, really, judging myself. Some great learning there!
tom