Too Tired To Forgive?

People say that forgiveness starts with forgiving oneself. That may or not be the case, and I personally think that God doesn’t care where you start to forgive. The importance is in the starting not how.

I’ve noticed that as I get older and hopefully wiser, I find such emotions as revenge, anger, bitterness, too exhausting to keep a hold of. When we forgive and forget we have a lot more energy for what is important in what is left of our life.
People still ask me aren’t I angry or bitter about some of the things that happened to me. I usually answer with some sort of platitude like “bitterness is too bitter a pill to swallow,” but I more and more realize that all that has happened to me, the good and the bad, has make me who I am today, and I am the better man for the bad as much as the good. I need what little energy I have to use it being the best person I can be today, and let emotions like anger and bitterness drag someone else down. How can I be angry about something that made me better? So in truth a lot of people who I initially thought I should be forgiving, I should be thanking. I don’t know if my convoluted rationale is a way to forgiveness, but I think God may get a brief chuckle out of it anyway.
Hardest to forgive I think are the people you love or loved and loved you — those family and friends who did something that broke your heart. It might be something as minor as an old buddy who stole your girlfriend, to a parent who cheated on your other parent, and all permutations of someone close doing something at the time which seemed unforgivable. God teaches us that no one is unforgivable. I think age and time teaches us that lesson as well. As I get older I remember the love and the fun and the commonality, and whatever was unforgivable becomes more trivial, understandable, or turned out to be good for me.
One day I will have to ask God is forgiveness similar to letting something go. I’m interested in his answer. Are you?

About the author

Webb Hubbell is the former Associate Attorney General of The United States. His novels, When Men Betray, Ginger Snaps, A Game of Inches, The Eighteenth Green, and The East End are published by Beaufort Books and are available online or at your local bookstore. When Men Betray won one of the IndieFab awards for best novel in 2014. Ginger Snaps and The Eighteenth Green won the IPPY Awards Gold Medal for best suspense/thriller. His latest, “Light of Day” will be on the bookstands soon.

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